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Woman in the frost to bathe in an ice hole

No matter what our goals, it's easy to get caught up in the planning phase, meticulously crafting strategies and envisioning success. We may spend hours brainstorming, researching and analysing; believing that these efforts will propel us forward. However, in his enlightening work "Atomic Habits," author James Clear challenges this notion with the concept of motion vs action.<h3>Understanding the Difference: Motion vs Action</h3>Motion, as Clear defines it, is the planning, strategising and preparing for change. While it's an essential step, it's merely the precursor to action, the real driver of progress. Action, on the other hand, is the execution. The doing. The transformative force that propels us closer to our aspirations.A good example of this is my desire to get back in shape. My youngest child is almost 3, so this is something that's been on my radar for a while. I've researched gym memberships, enquired about yoga classes, spoken to a personal trainer about group sessions, invested in new workout gear. I've even signed up for a free trial month at the local gym. All motion, no action. Until I'm consistently working out 3-4 times a week, I'm merely flirting with the idea of fitness, stuck in the motion phase. It's that action, a commitment to regular exercise, that will propel me towards my goal of feeling that my body is strong again. This example underscores the universal truth: progress requires action, not just intention. <h3>The curious lesson: Quantity vs Quality</h3>Clear gives another powerful example of the concept from the University of Florida. A photography professor divided his class into two groups. One group would be graded on the quantity of photos they produced, while the other would be graded on the quality of a single photo. Surprisingly, the group focused on quantity produced the most outstanding works, as they embraced imperfection and learned through the process of trial and error.Online business strategist Steph Taylor's notion of Imperfect Action beautifully complements Clear's concept, emphasising the importance of embracing imperfection and taking action despite our fears of failure or inadequacy. Imperfect Action encourages us to move forward, to iterate, to learn from our mistakes, and to grow through the process.As a life coach and small business owner, I understand the allure of meticulous planning and the fear of imperfection that often holds us back. However, I also recognise the transformative power of action—the small, imperfect steps that lead to meaningful progress.<h3>Real-Life Examples of Imperfect Action</h3>Consider Jennifer, a woman returning to work after 4 years as a stay-at-home-mum. Faced with the daunting task of re-entering the workforce, Jennifer immersed herself in planning: updating her resume, researching companies and attending networking events. Despite her thorough preparations, she hesitated to apply for roles, fearing rejection and uncertainty.Contrast Sarah's approach with that of Rachel, also returning to work after an extended break to care for her elderly mother. Instead of dwelling in the realm of motion, Rachel embraced imperfect action. She applied for positions aligned with her skills and aspirations, recognising that progress comes from taking proactive steps forward. Through trial and error, Rachel gained valuable insights and eventually secured a fulfilling role that surpassed her expectations.<h3>Overcoming the Fear of Imperfection and Taking the First Step</h3>This scenario resonates with individuals (particularly women) exploring career transitions, promotions, or role changes. The fear of failure or the desire for perfection often immobilises us, hindering progress and stalling growth. Yet, it's through imperfect action—taking deliberate steps despite uncertainty—that we discover our capabilities and forge new paths forward.Similarly, expats navigating life overseas encounter the dichotomy of motion versus action. While planning and preparation are essential, it's the willingness to immerse oneself in new experiences, embrace challenges and adapt to unfamiliar environments that fosters growth and resilience.<h3>How Imperfect Action Can Lead to Greater Success in Career and Life</h3>As a life coach, I understand the aspirations and challenges of individuals in diverse stages of life and career. I support my clients transition from planning to progress, from overwhelm to empowerment.&nbsp;Are you ready to embrace imperfect action, embark on a transformative journey and unlock your full potential? <a data-mce-href="https://carmeldrake.com/contact" href="https://carmeldrake.com/contact">Get in with me touch today</a> and together, we'll turn your aspirations into reality. One imperfect step at a time. 😊

Embracing Imperfect Action

As promised, this month I’m sharing the findings from my recent expat survey, based on the input I received from 65 respondents. Thank you to each and every one for taking the time to answer my questions and for being so honest with your responses. Here’s a look at what you shared:<strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); background-color: rgba(249,250,251,var(--tw-bg-opacity));" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); background-color: rgba(249,250,251,var(--tw-bg-opacity));">1. Who Responded? <span data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); background-color: rgba(249,250,251,var(--tw-bg-opacity));" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal); background-color: rgba(249,250,251,var(--tw-bg-opacity));">By nationality, more than half of the respondents are British (57%/equivalent to 37 individuals), one fifth are from the USA (20%/13 individuals) and one sixth are from Spain (17%/11 individuals). Other nationalities to respond include Irish, Norwegian, Moldovan, Canadian, Bolivian, Indian, South African and Australian. Note, 17% (11) of respondents have two nationalities and 2% (1) have three, which muddies the waters slightly but you get the idea.&nbsp; 2. Where Are They Based? By host country, of those currently living abroad (78.5% of the total/51 individuals), 44 folks call Europe (including the UK) home. Others are based in Asia (3), Australia/Oceana (2), North America (1) and Africa (1).&nbsp; Of those who are no longer living abroad (21.5% of the total/14 individuals), most were expats in Europe (including the UK) and/or North America, with a handful having lived for a time in Asia, Australia/Oceana and South America.&nbsp;3. Expatriate Tenure Almost two thirds of respondents have been or were expats for 6 years or more 63.5%/41 individuals), whilst one fifth have been or were expats for 3 years or less 20%/13 individuals).&nbsp;4. Reasons for the MoveIn terms of the motivations behind the moves, they included: &nbsp;- for work, own or partner's (62%/40 individuals); &nbsp;- for the adventure (20%/13 individuals); and &nbsp;- for other reasons such as to study, for love or for a better quality of life (18%/12 individuals).5. The Best Laid Plans When it comes to the permanency of moves or otherwise, almost one third of respondents extended moves that were originally intended to be temporary (29.2%/19 individuals), whilst just under one tenth moved permanently and later ended up returning home or moving elsewhere (9.2%/6 individuals), which just goes to show that the best laid plans do often go awry.&nbsp;6. Settling In In terms of settling in, almost three quarters of respondents said they felt settled in their host country within 2 years (72.5%/47 individuals) compared with a minority who needed four years or more to establish roots (8%/5 indivudals).&nbsp;7. Honeymoon Period Around half of respondents experienced a honeymoon period (54%/35 individuals), mostly characterised by a sense of novelty, excitement, and discovery, and typically lasting for up to 12 months.&nbsp; 8. Biggest Challenges The top challenges of moving to a new country include language barriers (for 46% of respondents/30 individuals), work-related issues (42%/27 individuals), cultural adaptation (40%/26 individuals), and legal/administrative matters (38.5%/25 individuals). 9. Overcoming Challenges Making friends (74%/48 individuals) and establishing a local support network (51%/33 individuals) were the most effective ways of overcoming those challenges.10. Proudest Accomplishments: Building a new life overseas (79%/51 individuals), forming a strong friend network (57%/37 individuals), and mastering the local language (49%/32 individuals) were the accomplishments respondents were most proud of.I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of your comments, which were as detailed and candid as they were varied. One participant shared how helpful it would be for an expat coach to work with recently deployed expats to help normalise the inevitable rollercoaster of emotions that many individuals experience during their first 1-2 years in the host country. This really resonated me for two reasons:Firstly, it reminded me of my own journey during my first few years in Madrid, which ranged from me crying in the loo at work (as I struggled to manage a team and report our findings with my sketchy Spanish) to shrieking with joy and delight in a local bar near Plaza Olavide as Spain clinched its Euro Cup and then World Cup soccer victories.&nbsp;&nbsp; Secondly, because it got me thinking about the rollercoaster of emotions that meaningful change of any kind involves. On reflection, the range of feelings I experienced during those first few years in Madrid was not dissimilar to the ones I lived through during my first year at university. Or when I made the leap from the safety of my corporate job at PwC to go it alone as a freelance translator. Or more recently as I've been transitioning from translator to life coach.&nbsp;Clearly, change is different every time and everyone experiences change differently. But common themes come up time and again. In the mix for me there's typically: clarity around what I want to acheive; nervousness and self-doubt about how best to acheive it; fierce determination that I WILL get there in the end; pride at securing small wins along the way; excitement around the novelty as the new situation unfolds; a few more nerves. And then bam. Before I know it, I've acheived precisely the change I set my mind to all those weeks, months or years ago.&nbsp;Making intuitive decisions that I feel passionate about, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, learning from the lows and relishing in the highs is something that I realise now I've done countless times and I've done well. And, as clichéd as it sounds, supporting others do the same feels like my calling.&nbsp; As we all know, change is both exhilarating and daunting. It can fill us with excitement one moment and leave us feeling uncertain the next. Yet, it's an inevitable part of life, shaping our paths and molding our experiences.As we find ourselves entering the second month of 2024 (time truly flies!), I invite you to consider: What change is calling you? If you take a moment to really think about that. What one change would you like to make in your life right now?Perhaps it would be something seemingly small, like committing to a healthier lifestyle or pursuing a new hobby. Or maybe it would be something grander, like embarking on a new career path or moving to a different corner of the world.Whatever change lies in your heart, know that you don't have to navigate it alone. Whether it's a gentle nudge or a bold leap, I'm here to offer my support, inspiration, and some healthy challenge every step of the way.Here's to embracing change and embarking on new adventures together, both at home and abroad.&nbsp; &nbsp;

Expat Survey: The Results Are In

Imagine your mind as a beautiful and abundant garden full flowers, plants and trees of all colours, shapes and sizes. We're all aware of the effort it takes to care for such a lush space. Now, consider applying that same principle to your mind. When was the last time you tended to the inner workings of your mind? I'm not referring to sudokus or other mental exercises; I'm curious about how you look after your own inner narrative—the ongoing story we all tell ourselves about ourselves. As we step into 2024, it strikes me that now is the perfect time to explore the delicate balance between the blossoming encouragement of your inner cheerleader and the persistent weeds of self-doubt from your inner critic. If you fancy wielding some gardening shears on your own mind, read on.1. The garden of voices Visualise your mind as a lush garden, where the vibrant blooms represent your inner fan. Cheering for your accomplishments and strengths. From time to time, weeds pop up. Your inner critic —inevitable and even necessary sometimes to protect and guide you, but more often than not, overshadowing the beauty. How can you maintain this garden, ensuring it's a place of balance and growth?<strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">2. Nurturing your blooms<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">If you visualise the voices in your head as a variety of plants then you'll know that each one needs specific care and attention. Take sunflowers and hydrangeas for example. Whilst both require well-draining soil and some sunlight, sunflowers require at least 6-8 hours of direct sunlight per day, whilst hydrangeas require partial shade, especially in the afternoons. In the same way, take the supportive and self-compassion voices of your inner fan. The supportive voice encourages and applauds your efforts, achievements, and positive qualities, whilst the self-compassion voice emphasizes self-kindness and learning. Each voice will be required in different doses and volumes depending on the situation. You are the wielder of the gardening shears, so it's up to you to decide the timing, dose and volume of each.&nbsp;3. Your garden, your rules In this horticultural adventure, think of me (your coach) as your gardening companion. I offer insights to help you identify the blooms of your inner fan and navigate the weeding process of your inner critic. Picture the satisfaction of having considered all of those voices and knowing which ones you'll need in which doses and when - of being the master gardener of your own thoughts. That would allow you to cultivate a landscape that aligns with your dreams. <strong style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">4. The fruits of mastery<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);"> <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">Why embark on this gardening journey? Because mastering your mental landscape yields you empowerment. As you shape your own thoughts, you sow seeds of resilience, confidence, and purpose that bear fruit in both personal and professional realms.What might this exercise look like in a coaching session with me?Whilst every client, coach and coaching session is different, typically when exploring the inner voices at play for a given client, I support them to identify all the inner voices at play, and often within the context of a specific situation. To amplify clarity. From there, we give each voice a name and explore its distinct personality. And then we delve into the origin, purpose, and usefulness of each voice, assessing its current volume and envisioning the desired volume that aligns with the client's aspirations. This personalised exploration is a powerful means to raise awareness, foster understanding, and ultimately empower you to navigate your inner landscape with intention and authenticity.What did I discover when I did this exercise?I vividly remember the first time I explored my own inner voices during my coach training course with Barefoot Coaching Ltd. Whilst demo-ing the tool to the rest of the cohort (with the incredible John Fleming as the coach/tutor and me as the coachee), we delved into two of my inner voices, which I ended up naming Miss P (Miss Perfect) and Grandma.&nbsp;John guided me to explore these characters, from their appearnce, to their tone, to their purpose, to their impact on my life. Realising that the voice inside my head championing me for all these years as been my Grandma's was incredibly moving.&nbsp;And now, when Miss P starts placing demands on me with her impossibly high standards, I kindly ask her to pipe down, reminding her that imperfect action is good enough. In parallel, I turn up the volume on Grandma's voice, the one that believes in me and backs me all the way from heaven, just like she did so fiercely here on Earth.&nbsp;&nbsp;Let's tend to your inner garden Interested to explore your inner voices further? Let me accompany you on the journey —a hands-on investigation where you hold the shears, foster the growth, and craft the landscape that mirrors the life you envision. Here's to a new year, a new start, and the fertile possibilities within your grasp! 🌿 #CultivateYourInnerGarden #2024Goals #CarmelTheCoach"

New Year, New Start: Cultivating Your Inner Garden 🌱

Beautiful Christmas deer with the glowing lights at night in living room with decorated Christmas tree, gifts. New Year loft interior with New year tree with red and gold decor balls

The holiday season is generally a time of joy, warmth, and celebration, but for expats, it can also bring unique challenges. In this survival guide, I explore practical tips and strategies to help those living overseas make the most of the festive season even if they're spending it away from home. See the 3 main sections below, with some specific tips for anyone living in Madrid: &nbsp;1. Coping with homesickness2. Embracing local celebrations3. Creating your own meaningful traditions&nbsp; 1. Coping with Homesicknessi. Acknowledge the feelingsSimply acknowledging homesickness is an important step to navigating the emotional challenges of being away from home when the festive season kicks in. Homesickness is a natural part of the expat experience and can often be triggered when things we typically associate with the holiday period aren’t present or don’t happen wherever you live now (e.g. friends who now live in Sydney lament the lack of a nativity play for their children). Acknowledge that it's okay to feel this way and that it doesn't diminish your ability to adapt and thrive in your new environment. And consider journalling or talking to someone about your feelings as a way of helping you sit with and process them.ii. Connect with loved ones at home through video calls and voice notesThis might seem like an obvious one, but my top tip here would be to plan video calls in advance, and be clear about the length of such calls. If you have kids (of almost any age), they’re unlikely to want to sit through back-to-back video calls with family on Christmas Day morning. So, connect with family back home briefly to wish them a Happy Holiday and schedule in time before and/or after for a proper catch up. And a great idea for a message with more impact is to send a whatsapp voice note or video message. They are much quicker to draft than a written message, convey so much more warmth and feeling, and they’re great for kids to both record and receive too. iii. Find events locally that remind you of homeThis may or may not be possible depending on where you live, but if you can’t find something, consider joining forces with expat and local friends to recreate your own. In Madrid, we are lucky enough to have - a Christmas pantomime performed by the Madrid Players. This year, it’s Snow White;- we also have carol singing in the Retiro Park at 12h on 16/17th December this year, with a clear dual purpose: to raise money for good causes and to have a good old sing-a-long!;&nbsp;- and consider paying a visit to Father Christmas or the Three Kings at one of the Christmas Markets or at Bless Hotel on c/Velázquez, by appointment only. Other ideas include:- Christmas markets (in Madrid the best ones can be found in Plaza Mayor, Nuevos Ministerios and Plaza de España)- ice-skating at a pop-up rink, - Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve (at St. George’s Anglican church in Madrid)- organising a round of Secret Santa with friends or colleagues; - and going to see the Christmas lights (on foot or on the special ‘bus de la navidad’).<u style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">2. Embracing Local Celebrationsi. Explore and participate in local holiday festivities.Ask local friends or post a question in your local Facebook group to find out when and where the best local holiday festivities are happening. In Madrid, we have:- various Christmas fairs (Torrejón Navidades and Getafe Navidalia);- carol singing in Spanish (at the Mercado de Maravaillas in Tetuán on 23/12/23 and 30/12/23 at 12h);- and of course the Cabalgata (when the Three Kings parade through the streets throwing sweets at all the kids!). There is the main Calbalgata on 5 January but lots of neighbourhoods and towns have their own parades ahead of the big day which are perfect for smaller kids – we’ll be attending the Calbagata de Chamartín on 3 January from 17h. ii. Learn about cultural traditions and incorporate them into your celebrations.Again, you’ll want to research events locally through friends, the Two Fat Expats Facebook group or local Facebook groups. Also check out your local Town Hall and Library for posters and leaflets.&nbsp;All over Spain, we are blessed with Belenes (beautiful curated nativity scenes bursting with attention to detail) – our favourite is displayed in the Centro Cultural de Nicolás Salmerón; the Belén at the Hospital San Rafael in Chamartín is also popular; and we’ve heard great things about the Belén in El Escorial which we’re hoping to visit for the first time this year. In Spain, I would also encourage you to&nbsp;indulge in as many turrones, polvorones, mazapanes and roscones as you can, in all their shapes and sizes! Consider incorporating local traditions into your own celebrations, creating a harmonious blend of your home culture and the newfound richness of your expat home. After all, the beauty of the holiday season lies in the diversity of traditions coming together.iii. Connect with local friends to deepen your sense of belonging.It can often feel lonely over the holiday period when local friends typically spend time with their own families. Consider asking to join in their celebrations, especially if they celebrate Christmas or another holiday in a particular religious or cultural way. Participating in their traditions can deepen your understanding of the local culture and strengthen connections. And be sure to extend your own invitations. Whilst local friends might not be available on certain "family" days, you could always invite them to a traditional celebration of your own on another day.&nbsp;A few years ago, a British friend hosted a mince pie party (after home baking no less than 50+ mince pies for the occasion!), her Spanish colleagues were intrigued and delighted by the sweet bites, and it was a lovely way of sharing a little bit of home with her nearest and dearest here in Madrid. The warmth of the holidays is magnified when shared with friends who feel like family.&nbsp;I mentioned Secret Santa earlier. If you do decide to organise a round of Amigo Invisible as its known in Spain with local and/or expat friends, one idea could be to gift the ingredients and recipe for one of your favourite dishes from home. This year, my husband has been gifted a carbonara making set by his Italian colleague including some delicious guanciale (pancetta), the best pecorino cheese and authentic Italian spaghetti. Not a drop of cream or ounce of bacon in sight! We can't wait to make it. <u style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);" data-mce-style="font-family: inherit; font-size: calc(18px * var(--body-fontSize, 1)); font-weight: inherit; font-style: var(--body-fontStyle, normal);">3. Creating Meaningful Traditionsi. Establish new holiday traditions in your host country.In Spain, Reyes (celebrated on the 5th and 6th of January), is a cherished time steeped in family traditions. However, for some expats like myself during my initial years in Madrid, this family-centric atmosphere could sometimes evoke a sense of loneliness and exclusion. My expat friends and I were lucky enough to be rescued by one of our own. Recognising the need for connection, he graciously hosted a dinner for a group of expats on the evening of the 5th of January, transforming what could have been a lonely time into a lively and memorable night out. The tradition lasted many years and still form some of my fondess holiday memories.&nbsp;Now, with a family of my own, we have created a new tradition. We are lucky enough to live near a branch of the much-loved chocolatería San Ginés and so we now go for churros and chocolate for breakfast on Christmas Eve morning! This simple yet heartwarming ritual is a sweet reminder that traditions, old and new, can bring warmth and connection to any holiday season.&nbsp;ii. Combine local and familiar customs for a unique celebration.In our mixed English-Spanish household (I’m from the UK and my husband is from Madrid), the most important celebrations over Christmas are on Christmas Eve/Day and Reyes. New Year would normally be another excuse for a big get-together but we typically spend 5-6 days over New Year's Eve in the Czech Republic with my brother, sister-in-law and 3 nephews, who live just outside of Prague near where my SIL grew up.&nbsp;For Christmas Eve (the important day for my husband), we have dinner at my parents-in-law with ensaladilla, langostinos and lamb for supper. Then on Christmas Day (the important day for me), I host with a roast with all the trimmings. I always source Christmas crackers (Nest in Malasaña (Plaza San Ildefonso, 3) sells the best ones in my opinion, although I’ve also seen people making their own on Instagram recently so I might give that a go this year using a loo roll tube for the middle with a small gift/toy inside and wrapping paper on the outside. Check out @staceysolomon’s reel on 21/11/23). One thing we have to think about is meal timings! My girls are young still (4 and 2) and Christmas Eve dinner in Spain typically starts around 20:30, which is normally bedtime in our house. We’ll likely celebrate the dinner a bit earlier again this year so that my girls can enjoy it and still be on good form for Christmas Day. Most Spanish kids I know have an amazing ability to be on great form and sleep later in the mornings when they go to bed later but my girls struggle if they are in bed much after 21:30 – clearly they’re very English in that sense ;) &nbsp;Conclusion In conclusion, it's evident that the challenges of homesickness and the quest for meaningful celebrations are universal experiences. Yet, with resilience, creativity, and the spirit of togetherness, expats can transform these challenges into opportunities for connection and joy.As expats, we learn to embrace the ebb and flow of the holiday experience, adapting and evolving with each passing year. The warmth of shared moments, the joy of discovery, and the bonds formed in the face of homesickness make these celebrations abroad unique and unforgettable. So, here's to the expatriate holiday experience – a tapestry woven with threads of resilience, cultural fusion, and the enduring spirit of celebration. May your holidays be filled with joy, connection, and the magic of newfound traditions! 🌟🎁 #ExpatHolidays #CelebrateAbroad #JoyfulJourney

Navigating the Holidays as an Expat: A Survival Guide

Carmel Drake

English-speaking Executive Coach in Madrid. I work 1:1 online and in person with experienced professionals who have 15+ years experience and who are at a crossroads at work. 