The Power of Expectations Part 1: Expectations of Ourselves

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the expectations you set for yourself? Striving for perfection often leads to disappointment when we fall short. But where do these expectations come from, and how can we manage them effectively?

In this first part of a two-part series, I'll explore the impact of self-imposed expectations and share practical strategies for managing them. Next month, I’ll discuss the expectations we place on others and those that others place on us.

Our Own High Standards

We are often our harshest critics, setting unrealistic expectations influenced by societal norms, upbringing, and personal ambitions. Recognising these external influences is crucial.

For instance, when I first moved to Madrid, the corporate culture’s emphasis on long hours made me equate dedication with excessive work, often at the expense of my well-being.

Inspired by business guru Ali Abdaal’s productivity techniques, I now set achievable goals and schedule dedicated time to complete the tasks. Like drafting a month’s worth of social media content in one day, which will allow me to disconnect from work and enjoy my time away this summer. Breaking larger goals into manageable chunks makes success more attainable.

Origins of Expectations

Understanding the source of our expectations is key to managing them. Our self-esteem often becomes entangled with these expectations—we feel worthy when we achieve a lot. However, striving to excel in all aspects of life simultaneously—having a successful career, being the perfect parent and maintaining a pristine home—may be unrealistic.

Instead of cherry-picking expectations based on societal ideals, I support my clients to recognise their unique journeys. I help them cultivate self-awareness and tailor their goals to their strengths, values, and needs. By doing so, they manage to reduce the pressure they impose on themselves and embrace their imperfections.

My Personal Journey with Expectations

When I moved to Spain, I expected to become fluent in Spanish within a year or two through total immersion. In reality, it took five years to feel confident. This experience taught me the importance of patience and setting realistic timelines for complex goals, a lesson that now serves me well in building my coaching practice. "Poco a poco"—one step at a time.

Strategies for Managing Your Own Expectations

Drawing on my own experiences and those of my clients, I've compiled 4 top strategies to help us all better manage our expectations of ourselves. 

1. Set Realistic Goals:
Break down large goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. 
Example: If you want a clean and organised house, set aside 10 minutes every evening for a quick house reset rather than trying to clean the entire house in one go.

2. Practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would a close friend. Check out my practical 7-step guide to being kinder to yourself. 
Example: When you make a mistake or say the wrong thing, instead of engaging in harsh self-criticism, take a moment to acknowledge your effort or intention and think about what you can learn from the experience.

3. Reflect and Adjust:
Life is dynamic, and so should be our goals. What might have been a priority last year might not hold the same significance now. Being flexible and adaptive helps us stay aligned with our evolving values and circumstances. 
Example: Review your goals at the end of each week and adjust your expectations accordingly. From a business perspective, I find a quarterly review particularly valuable. 

4. Celebrate Small Wins:
Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.                    Example: Share daily successes with a friend or write them in a journal to track and celebrate your progress.

Reflect and Take Action

Managing your own expectations is a journey of self-awareness and adjustment. By recognising the origins of our expectations and setting realistic goals, we can lead more fulfilling lives. Take time to reflect on your own expectations. Are they helping or hindering you? How can you adjust them to better support your well-being?

What expectations are you setting for yourself today? This week? This quarter? How can you manage those expectations better? Share your thoughts on Instagram (@carmelthecoach), drop me a whatsapp voice note (+34 608 880 466) or reach out for coaching support.

"Our lives are shaped not as much by our experiences as by our expectations”

- George Bernard Shaw