Be Kind to Yourself: A Practical Guide to Self-Compassion

I didn't post last month because life got in the way. Moving house at the end of April was chaotic and stressful. But it did give me plenty of food for thought. And so I am back with avengence, with a particular interested in self-compassion.

We all know about self-compassion in theory (if you're new to the concept or want to learn more, US pyschologist Kristin Neff is the guru, and you can check out her Ted Talk here). But, as I've discovered for myself over the last month, practising it can be another story. When we’re overstretched, under-resourced and, quite frankly, exhausted, how exactly can we be expected to show ourselves kindness?

Here's my practical 7-step guide to acheiving just that. 

1. Allow Imperfection
Perfection is an impossible standard. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Accept that mistakes are part of the human experience and offer yourself grace instead of criticism. Good enough is more than enough almost every time. 

2. Positive Affirmations
Incorporate self-compassion into your daily routine with positive affirmations. Start your day with a positive statement like, “I'm doing my best, and that’s enough.” Try it. And end your day with a reflection: “What did I do well today? What can I let go of?” There's no need (or time) to analyse everything you did, just pick the one or two activities that pop into your head. 

3. Celebrate Small Wins
In the rush of daily life, we often overlook our achievements. Take a moment to acknowledge your efforts and successes, no matter how small they might seem. Did you keep your children alive? Did you get through that difficult meeting? Did you show kindness to a stranger? Celebrate these moments.

4. Schedule 'Me Time'
Taking time for yourself can be easier said than done, but setting aside some time for yourself is essential. Start by scheduling an hour a week for yourself. Block the time out in your diary. And do something just for you. Walk. Stretch. Read. Draw. Dance. Laugh. Cry. Write. Protect this time and treat it as non-negotiable.

5. Seek Support
Self-compassion also means recognising when you need help. Don’t be shy about reaching out to friends, family, or a professional when you need support. Sometimes, just talking about your struggles can provide relief. I find that leaving a close friend a 5 minute Whatsapp voicenote works wonders. It helps me gain clarity and perspective on whatever's troubling me. And just talking things through lifts the weight from my shoulders. 

6. Talk to Yourself Like a Friend
Notice the language you use when you talk to yourself. This one is huge. The way we talk to ourselves determines the quality of our life. And most of us would never talk to a friend, or even an enemy, in the way we talk to ourselves! The next time you forget something or make a mistake, instead of saying, "I can't believe I messed up again," try, "It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes". If a friend came to you feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, think about how you'd respond, and try adopting the same approach for yourself. 

7. Do Something That Fills Your Cup
Once a month, do something that inspires and rejuvenates you. Here I'm talking about something bigger than the 1 hour a week time for yourself. Maybe go to a concert or a workshop. Have dinner with friends. Get a change of scenery if you can - head to the coast, the countryside, the mountains. 

This month, I went to a book folding workshop—I was invited by a friend and I had no idea what to expect but it was wonderfully inspiring and energising. Find something that excites you. Sign up. And show up. 

Conclusion
We all know that life is not just about the goal but about the journey. Being kinder to ourselves along the way makes that journey much more enjoyable. Start with these practical steps to incorporate self-compassion into your daily life. Remember, you deserve the same kindness and care that you readily offer to others.